Have Your Way

Feels like I have been here forever
Why can't you just intervene
Do you see the tears keep falling
And I'm falling apart at the seams
But You never said the road would be easy
But You said You would never leave me
And You never promised that this life wasn't har
But You promised You'd take care of me

So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust you God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way
Just have Your way

When my friends and family have left me
And I feel so ashamed and cold
Remind me You take broken things
And turn them into beautiful

Even if my dreams have died
And even if I don't survive
I'll still worship You with all my life

These are the lyrics of Britt Nicole's Have Your Way. This past week was was my twenty second birthday. I have been dog/cat sitting for my parents. I have had a few visitors, but I have been spending much of my time alone. This summer has been difficult for me - I am still reflecting on many things that happened last year. I have been reevaluating my life. I have been searching for answers. I am wondering what I am doing with my life. I have been a little down off and on since January...I am not sure why. I used to have this ability to be open and honest and COMMUNICATE how I am feeling - but recently I have been finding it harder and harder to let people into my life. I think it is deeply embedded in shame. I am not proud of the way I feel right now and its hard for me to admit to going through a rough time. I know things could always be worst (this is some advice I usually receive when I open up). I do appreciate putting my life into perspective - I think it is very important to do this. Well, enough background information back to the reason I am posting. I received Britt Nicole's CD from Jen. Last night (after I finished watching 127 hours), I decided see what Britt Nicole was all about. I can't quite decide what she reminded me of...maybe a mix between Lady Gaga and Colbie Caillat. As I was going through the tracks, nothing sparked my interest until the last song. The music was much softer than her other tracks and immediately the words intrigued me. I wasn't expecting to be able to identify with her music, but this one got me. This whole month, I have been broken and searching for answers. I am aware that I am once again struggling with the idea of trusting in God and what it means when people talk about His will for your life. Almost every line of the song applies to my life. I have come to the realization that I need to to receive grace and to allow God to love me just the way I am. I can't let anything steal away my joy.